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June 19th, 2019

* I do realize I've become more and more quiet. And it's not just "here," it's out "here," too. I can't account for it. But I can feel it. Of course I can discern the change in myself....and it's not like counting bricks that are walling me in and off from others. It's the exact opposite. I feel as though bricks have been removed, the things that gave an architectural shape to my life, my limits, the edges of my wanderings. All gone. I'm standing in a field and the trappings of any civilized discourse are far along the horizons. 



Something like that with less longing for the farmhouse and more exultation at the distance I've crawled....

* It's HOT. Really freaking hot. Terrible down in the valley, but up here with no A/C, we're feeling it from five to ten each evening. D and I are contemplating relocating out to the pool house which is wonderfully cool with its cement floor. I did manage to crack a whip a few weekends back and get D and Kidling2 to clear that beautiful cabiny space out of all their junk stuffed into hefty bags. Ugh. It took all day long. And so many cobwebs. But now it's coming together. I should take some pictures. I'm shopping for a rug and two over-stuffed chairs and a small circular table. I want it to be mountain decor but my Americana WWII posters are hanging in there and I don't know what to do with them. Nothing cooler than a fierce Uncle Sam...but that doesn't go with the vibe. I'm tired of filling the attic with these fancies of mine. I should sell them, replace them with vintage images of Mt. Shasta or somesuch.

* Anyone else reading Ocean Vuong's novel? If so, let's discuss because it's not working for me and I would love to figure out why. 

* We are watching documentaries. Last Breath was riveting.

 * What are you guys doing? 

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bleodswean
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