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July 2nd, 2019

July Twoth

* Working on my A Star is Born fic in bursts of stanzas and choruses. I don’t have it in me anymore (leastaways I haven’t for years) to write fic in a linear long form. I can’t sustain it. For me, fanfic has always relied entirely upon audience, and when that dried up six years back or so, my ability to entertain with it did, too. I know, I know. No one wants to hear more blahblahblahtheendofdays bellyaching, so I’ll button that up right now.

I suppose original writing needs an audience, too. Of course, it does, and that’s what makes [community profile] therealljidol so much damned fun, so crazy inspirational. But here’s the difference – for me – I can write original all day and all night long to entertain myself, to hone my own chops, to polish to a satisfying shine. But not so with fanfic. I’m not clear on why that is. Fanfic is community-based, written to please others. And original is very inwardly self-based, created to express something unique inside of me. To represent ideas and feelings through characters that are essentially grown in my own marrow.

I had similar experiences when I was photographing professionally. The client’s requests came first, and it was easy to produce good work within set guidelines and examples. But I was always on the lookout for that one image that would belong to me alone. A kind of self-expression through these unwitting models. Only once did a client respond positively to “that” image. Too arty, too odd an angle, too revealing an expression and those never sold but the one time. Yet, I had the image I had subconsciously hoped to acquire, and the job felt complete to me.

I’m not saying that photography or fanficcing is a drudgery. Not at all. More that there are aspects of expressive mediums that are personal and don’t need outside approval in order to be worthwhile.

* In the spirit of the [community profile] sunshine_challenge, I think I will upload thirteen more icons. 

* If I’m going to stick with this getting up early and writing routine, I’m going to have to invest in some headphones. I must have the MUZAK.



 

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