?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist

* I found several stichandstory knitting kits on deep discount at TJMaxx a few weeks ago and have been occupying myself with hats and slippers and more hats. The yarn is sumptious and the needles gorgeous and the patterns simple, so it's been a small pleasure.

* We are enjoying our rewatch of The Office, although we didn't finish it when it was live airing...so we may be continuing past S5. I had forgotten how complicated the writing is, how exquisite the acting. How real it is in its contrived pedestrianism.

* I feel as though I'm learning. So much. And yet....for what end? To what purpose? Why, why, why?

* My mother is struggling. Terribly. We have no measuring stick, no parallel experience, to take stock. There is no wisdom to impart, only faith. I'm deeply worried. Life is sad. Be compassionate.

I have been looking at this picture of my father. I like that he's waving to me -

dad on deck lo res.jpg

* Kidling2 and his gf are headed to Mexico with her family next week. D says we are going to head up the coast and look at ocean front property.



Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
elenbarathi
Jan. 30th, 2018 02:55 am (UTC)
What a beautiful picture of your father. So sorry your Mom is struggling so hard - that's the price of long love, that one or the other will inevitably be left behind. Religion or philosophy can sometimes ease the pain, but can't heal the wound.

"I feel as though I'm learning. So much. And yet....for what end? To what purpose? Why, why, why?"

It will be for you to determine that. There's no supernatural Fate that's directing your spiritual course of studies toward any pre-determined end; no purpose but whatever you decide to do with the knowledge you've gained at such a cost. Your heart will tell you 'why', when the time comes, but that time is not now, so just let it go for the time being: you'll know when you need to know.

Life is both sad and fun. *hugs** Wishing you some fun to help balance out the long weight of sorrow - ocean-front property sounds ideal for that; I hope you find the perfect place!

Edited at 2018-01-30 02:55 am (UTC)
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 03:41 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you for all your wisdom, dearheart. I'm soaking it in, trying to be open to the universe, trying to glimpse old joys and new joys through the darkness. Life is fun, I know this I just need to remember it and believe that it will be fun again.

You're so correct that the teaching is for me and I need to find the purpose and point in it that has to do with me uniquely.
murielle
Jan. 30th, 2018 05:34 am (UTC)
There is so much more that the simple act of knitting gives us than a finished product for our effort. I'm grateful that it's is giving you pleasure of any size. Hugs

What a beautiful picture of your dad!

Is there a Diana-like figure on the right side of the chimney top? Or is that just me seeing things that aren't there?

Beautiful video, thank you for sharing.

Good for D for taking you to the ocean. Breathe it in, E. Deeply and fully.

Hugs and hearts
M
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 03:39 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thanks, M. Yes, it's true about handcrafts - it's a meditation, a practice that centers and expands at the same time.

I love this picture and that place was something AMAZING! Great eyes! Yes, that's the Stanford University Indian mascot! He's holding a bow, so Diana was a good guess!

I'm trying to breathe, M. I need the ocean.
geekslave
Jan. 30th, 2018 06:23 am (UTC)
So sorry your mom is struggling so badly.

What a great pic! That place looks lovely!

Stacey
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 03:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you, S. I love this photo and yes, it is a magical place!
adoptedwriter
Jan. 30th, 2018 03:03 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear about your mother. I love The Office.
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 03:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

The Office is really stellar sitcom material. I think it's pretty much unlike anything else!
xo_kizzy_xo
Jan. 30th, 2018 03:48 pm (UTC)
What a beautiful photo. As for your mom -- I remember people saying after my uncle's passing (this was a couple of years before my mother's) that my aunt would also probably start deteriorating in her own way without his presence. They'd been married for almost 60 years at that point. My MIL has been slowly going through similar in spite of being of sound mind. Your mother no doubt realizes that your father is no longer physically around. If one is already frail to begin with, like my aunt was, that absence magnifies it.

Yay for knitting! I'd bought myself a circular knitting kit and yarn back after my foot surgery. I never finished anything, but it was a great keep-hands-busy task while I was sort of watching mindless TV.
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 04:42 pm (UTC)
I think it must be one of the hardest human experiences - to find a reason to carry on when your reason is gone. Physical frailty I can understand, mental frailty can be worked with, but emotional devastation...it's nearly impossible to address.

I love knitting kits because I feel as though someone else has done the hard work - deciding on pattern, yarn, etc. It's mindless but rewarding!
spotzle
Jan. 30th, 2018 06:30 pm (UTC)
Your house is amazing. And what a lovely picture of your dad. :)

I hope everything goes well with the maybe house hunt. I've been looking at beach front property, too. In Fiji. Just wishful thinking though.

The Office is hilarious even with the excruciating second hand embarrassment it likes to simmer in.

*hugs*
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 11:15 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thanks, S. I wish that was my house! That was our dream vacay on Tahoe just before he got really sick. It is AMAZING!

Hahaha, Fiji? Lordy, girl, what on earth would you do with yourself down there?

That is so true about The Office! Carrel can really act. It's painful to watch.
swirlsofblue
Jan. 30th, 2018 08:40 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you're beginning to be able to enjoy things again *Hugs*

Sorry to hear your mother is struggling so much.
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 11:15 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Life doesn't stop. Until it does. But yes, seeking out the joys, J!
halfshellvenus
Jan. 30th, 2018 10:18 pm (UTC)
Great picture of your dad, and what a beautiful location!

I'm sorry your mom is struggling so. It usually takes at least a year before a surviving spouse or partner begins to come out of their mourning, so none of that is surprising. It's just so very sad.

Are you looking at Oregon Coast oceanfront property, or something in California? And for retiring, eventually, or just to visit?
bleodswean
Jan. 30th, 2018 11:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks, K! That was our wonderful vacation on Tahoe! AMAZING home!

I've heard that a year is a good reference for time. I will feel so much better if we can get her through this year. I don't understand why we aren't all walking around weeping.

I would love to have a second home that we could divide the year with. My requirement, though, is ocean front and you and I know how pricey and dear that's going to be....I've got a few interesting prospects in our price range...so I'll know more once we really begin this adventure! Do you and G have long-term plans for retirement?
halfshellvenus
Feb. 1st, 2018 11:11 pm (UTC)
I would like to retire near the Portland area, which has always felt like "home" to me. Not for a couple of years yet (sometime after the kids get out of college), though I could conceivably retire before we move and downsize.

Would love to go part-time right now, but we'll see.
bleodswean
Feb. 1st, 2018 11:34 pm (UTC)
I love Portland! That area would be a great retirement landing! Anyplace you can see Mt. Hood.

Downsizing is one of my 2018 goals. I need to get control of stuff and part of that control means letting it go.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

anatomical beat
bleodswean
kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatre

Latest Month

June 2018
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow