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I know dark clouds will gather 'round me

* February is short. The month of love. I think I could post every day this month; it's a doable goal. See if I can write and how it makes me feel. It's going to be fractured and it's going to be haphazard, but I want to try.

* It's been two months since I wrote creatively, the morning of my father's death, actually. When my sister called and told me that he had fallen and was in the ER, I was halfway home from the four-hour roundtrip to take Kidling1 to the airport. I wrote a poem parked on the side of the freeway with the dawn sky full of migrating swans. That was it, the last time.

* D and I love Columbo. Unreasonably so. We catch an episode on Cozi if it's a rainy Sunday and when we do, we nearly squeal with delight. I decided to buy the complete box set for him for Valentine's Day - a steal at $40 on amazon - and it arrived yesterday but D got home before I did and he opened the box! Ah, well. He was surprised regardless!

* I haven't missed a Superbowl with my dad in over thirty years. My mother feels that she should watch it this weekend. I know that I cannot possibly do this. D and I don't watch football but my father was an avid fan. I felt terrible for him this past season with all the drama about the national anthem. As a veteran, he was torn, but we had bought him the football package for his birthday in September and reassured him that he should continue to watch despite politics. Every year we have all gotten together on Superbowl to eat snacks and make bets and critique the commercials.

* My dad had bought tickets to see Kris Kristoferson in January, the last talent on his list of singers he wanted to see. My mother thought she should go....I said absolutely not, but my sister took her and my  mother suffered through it. I am not a grievance counselor. I don't have the answers.

* She wants to remove some of the endless reminders of him, but packing things up is devastating. She had a dream that he was in their bedroom looking for his things.

* I've always listened to sad songs. Right now I'm listening to endless versions of Wayfaring Stranger.

ETA: I have been WAITING for this title to get discounted on kindle and it JUST THIS MOMENT HAPPENED!!!! Flisters who love Shakespeare Tam Lin or The Secret History or actually any novel about acadamia should love this. It's a bit purple and a bit hip, but the sample I got was wonderful! If We Were Villains on an ebook sale at your preferred retailer!


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 1st, 2018 07:23 pm (UTC)
I certainly understand about the Super Bowl. My parents died years ago, and at this point I enjoy doing things I associate with them. It brings back memories.

Great choice of song! By and large, I don't listen to country, but I have always enjoyed a lot of Johnny Cash.
Feb. 1st, 2018 07:46 pm (UTC)
I need to hear things like that, G. It's impossible to believe right now.

I love his last album...but I love sad songs. Some of his early stuff feels...a bit too chipper? LOL. AND he starred in a Columbo!
Feb. 1st, 2018 08:39 pm (UTC)
February is a short month, especially so because no leap year. I love your idea of posting every day this month, it gives me something to look forward to every day.

For you, not to have written in two months must seem like an eternity, and yet, that is just what it was. Hugs

Mom and I used to watch Columbo and loved it too. The whole, "just one more question" cracked us up every time. Kojack had his lollypop, Columbo had his cigar and rumpled trenchcoat. They just don't make TV like that anymore. I've picked up 9.1.1. Me and my medical and cop shows! :-)

I will probably watch the Superbowl on Sunday only because This Is Us will be coming on after it, and I don't want to miss it, it's going to be horribly sad, but it's a special one.

Grief counselors don't have all the answers either. They basically tell you to do what feels right to you. Your mom seems to be doing that. We're all different, we need different things. Her dream is maybe telling her, not yet.

Wayfaring Stranger is such a haunting song. Love both versions you've shared. Enjoyed the photo montage of Johnny Cash. I forgot all about his animal magnetism! All that broody sex appeal.


Edited at 2018-02-01 08:41 pm (UTC)
Feb. 1st, 2018 09:21 pm (UTC)

I think I need to try to do this, M. I think I NEED to do this. Get it out, use the fingerbones, tweak the Muse a little bit towards lighter visions. All has been so very dark. YOU need to post more, too!

Columbo! Yeah, the 70's cop shows were great. Have you ever watched The Shield?

So many versions of WS! I'm going to share them all. ;) Yeah, Cash had a certain kind of broody appeal!

How are you?
Feb. 2nd, 2018 01:27 am (UTC)
I used to watch Columbo with my mom, too. We always looked forward to seeing Dog back when we had our Basset hound. (Well, it was my dad's Basset, he just never admitted it.)
Feb. 2nd, 2018 03:41 am (UTC)
So glad you're here and writing, regardless if it's shaky and/or melancholy - don't let your skill get rusty.

I hear you about the difficulty of packing stuff up. It's like that poem The Sadness of Clothes.

October 16 was 10 years since my father died, and for more than a month I played Dance In The Graveyards over and over and over - literally, 20 or 30 times a day. It was all I wanted to listen to, even though it made me weep every single time. Grief is weird.

If We Were Villains sounds like fun! Glad you guys are enjoying Columbo so much - my housemate James loves him too; he's got the whole series on DVD.

*hugs hugs* Hang in there, dearheart; Winter's half over!

Feb. 2nd, 2018 04:22 am (UTC)
Hoping resuming writing will help!

Aww, unfortunate D got the present too early, but at least he likes it.

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )


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