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Shall I be raised from death, the spirit asks.
And the sun says yes.
And the desert answers
your voice is sand scattered in wind. 
~ Louise Gluck

* My internal editor soul wants that to read "And the sea answers your voice is sand scattered on the shore."

* The ocean was amazing. And I needed it. So much crying. It was a terrible week for my mother and something in the heartstrings twanged all down the line and I felt emotionally wrecked, too. This week has been better. Thank god. But our little roadtrip was good. We saw a new part of the Oregon coast we had not seen before and I know now where I want to focus my energy and money for this absolutely reachable goal and realistic dream. Bandon! Port Orford! I'm actually in conversation with a realtor now about a house we fell into the abyss over in Bandon. My father's leaving has lessened the night terrors but increased the daytime panic. I don't want to run out of time before....I live by the sea. This must happen.

ocean cottages.jpg
Shhhhhhh....this cottage!!!!

Some photos I took behind the cut -

bandon 1.jpg
bandon 2.jpg
bandon 3.jpg
bandon 5.jpg
bandon 6.jpg
bandon 8.jpg
bandon 09.jpg
bandon 10.jpg
banodn 4.jpg

* Trying and failing to read. Not trying to write. So failing that, too, I suppose. I see now why we have so many gods....when one flees or you bolt from it, then another is there to hold you. Hold your head above the primordial soup.

* Finished Altered Carbon and I have thoughts. I will try to respond to the comments on my previous post about it. I probably have to high of expectations for The Frankenstein Chronicles, but it looks so very much in my wheelhouse. I still salivate at the thought of Bean as Mellors in Lady Chatterley's Lover.

* I think of all sorts of things I want to tell the flist and then I sit down here at the desk and it's gone. I hope you're all well.


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 20th, 2018 06:00 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear you had a terrible week! I'm glad the ocean brought the serenity you needed for right then.
Feb. 21st, 2018 02:37 am (UTC)
Thank you! I just love being on the coast. It is healing.
Feb. 20th, 2018 07:11 pm (UTC)
Nothing nicer than a cottage on the beach.
Feb. 21st, 2018 02:38 am (UTC)
That's what I'm saying!
Feb. 20th, 2018 07:12 pm (UTC)
I understand entirely what you mean about the ocean. It's in my mind every day. I need to keep working a little longer, then I'm off to hear the waves. Sometimes I listen to 11 hours on YouTube, ,just for practice.
Feb. 21st, 2018 02:38 am (UTC)
*hugs* I want to practice listening to the sea! I love that!
Feb. 20th, 2018 07:55 pm (UTC)
That's a beautiful poem, I don't think I've read any of her poetry, will have to check it out.

Sorry that this week was hard for you *Hugs*

Glad you've found a place you want to buy in.

Those photos are magnificently beautiful.

There's no failing, there's no need to read or write if you don't want to. There will be plenty of time for that later.

Altered Carbon was good.

We will still be here. You can tell us later. Do not let this place be your burden. *Hugs*
Feb. 21st, 2018 02:39 am (UTC)
She's good or she's not. Her early stuff is shattering.

*hugs* Thanks, J. I just love the ocean more and more each year. I love the woods, too...so maybe it's just longing for the thing that I don't have? I don't know. But we've been making the trip more and more often. It's easy to photograph!

I want to connect and still am finding it impossible.
Feb. 20th, 2018 08:43 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry there is so much pain around your mom. I'm so glad your trip was good. Love you eye! You catch the spirit...soul...of what you photograph. All that beauty! And a home you want to buy!

Don't worry about reading, or writing, or lj, or us. All of it, all of us will be here, with open arms, when you're ready.


I like your version of the last line best, it rings true, and underlines the visions you shared. I wish I could sit with the seagull. It might be Kehaar! I love sitting with seagulls.
Feb. 21st, 2018 02:41 am (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you, M.

It was healing to be there....but strangely difficult. Time. I guess everything is about time...eventually. Wonderful to have the big camera out rather than the phone. So much beauty! I fell in love with this part of the coast!

Hope you're well.
Feb. 20th, 2018 09:48 pm (UTC)
"And the sea answers your voice is sand scattered on the shore."

I like that version better! :)

And your photos are a thing of beauty! I love the wood one.
Feb. 21st, 2018 02:40 am (UTC)
Thanks, sweets! I do love to photograph the sea!
Feb. 21st, 2018 03:05 am (UTC)
I love all your photos.

I hope you can have your dream cottage by the sea.
Feb. 21st, 2018 04:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you, M! I really hope so, too. Learning how to translate hopes into doings.
Feb. 21st, 2018 06:12 am (UTC)
Sorry, last week was so hard for your mother but glad this week was better.

Hope everything works out with the house!

Those pictures are great! That cottage and the view of the sea is lovely! Looks like something right out of The Goonies.

Feb. 21st, 2018 04:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks, S! I had forgotten about The Goonies! Yes! :)
Feb. 21st, 2018 12:27 pm (UTC)
Gorgeous photos <3<3<3

Been thinking about you and wondering how you are.
Feb. 21st, 2018 04:09 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thanks, hon.
Feb. 22nd, 2018 09:18 pm (UTC)
So I'm just going to have to move in with you then? That cottage is perfect. I hope it's ours before long.

*all the hugs*
Feb. 22nd, 2018 09:24 pm (UTC)
Yesssssssssssss! We will abandon all men and children and woes. We will write complicated and steamy Hook fic, drink pots of strong black tea, and dance around bonfires.
Feb. 22nd, 2018 11:17 pm (UTC)
Wow, that sunset picture is absolutely gorgeous!

Bandon and Port Orford aren't as busy as other parts of the coast, but favored for being a little sunnier than farther north. They aren't as far south as I'd thought-- parallel more to Roseburg than Medford.

I hope the time away was good in letting you grieve a little without having to cope with anyone else's grief. Sometimes, we just need that, especially if we're trying to help someone else keep all the balls in the air while they're grieving too.
Feb. 23rd, 2018 04:13 am (UTC)
Those colours are completely real, K! I was stunned. There were so many folks down on the beach taking pictures! We were up in our room. *swoon*

Bandon and Port Orford were clean and arty and sweet and omg the coastlines! And the hikes! But Brookings and Gold Beach were tweaky and dirty and yuck yuck yuck. So disappointing. But to get home we had to drive down to Crescent City, take a left, drive back into Oregon and hit 5 at Grant's Pass!!! Fun!

Yes, you are so right and I haven't been realizing how much taking care of my mother has impacted my ability to feel my own feelings and find my own griefs and joys.
Feb. 23rd, 2018 03:03 am (UTC)
those photos are gorgeous. that's a very photogenic coast and it sounds like it was good for your soul to be there. fingers crossed you get your cottage!
Feb. 23rd, 2018 04:04 am (UTC)
Thanks, C! Nice to work with the big camera gain. And the coast! I could photograph it all day long.

*fingers crossed*
Mar. 13th, 2018 11:59 pm (UTC)
These photos are glorious!!! I love them!!
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )