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* I do realize I've become more and more quiet. And it's not just "here," it's out "here," too. I can't account for it. But I can feel it. Of course I can discern the change in myself....and it's not like counting bricks that are walling me in and off from others. It's the exact opposite. I feel as though bricks have been removed, the things that gave an architectural shape to my life, my limits, the edges of my wanderings. All gone. I'm standing in a field and the trappings of any civilized discourse are far along the horizons. 



Something like that with less longing for the farmhouse and more exultation at the distance I've crawled....

* It's HOT. Really freaking hot. Terrible down in the valley, but up here with no A/C, we're feeling it from five to ten each evening. D and I are contemplating relocating out to the pool house which is wonderfully cool with its cement floor. I did manage to crack a whip a few weekends back and get D and Kidling2 to clear that beautiful cabiny space out of all their junk stuffed into hefty bags. Ugh. It took all day long. And so many cobwebs. But now it's coming together. I should take some pictures. I'm shopping for a rug and two over-stuffed chairs and a small circular table. I want it to be mountain decor but my Americana WWII posters are hanging in there and I don't know what to do with them. Nothing cooler than a fierce Uncle Sam...but that doesn't go with the vibe. I'm tired of filling the attic with these fancies of mine. I should sell them, replace them with vintage images of Mt. Shasta or somesuch.

* Anyone else reading Ocean Vuong's novel? If so, let's discuss because it's not working for me and I would love to figure out why. 

* We are watching documentaries. Last Breath was riveting.

 * What are you guys doing? 

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
murielle
Jun. 19th, 2019 03:32 pm (UTC)
Quiet. Yes.

Me too.

Losing two friends in less than two months will do that to you. I guess. Just want to curl into myself and binge watch...whatever. Deadwood right now. I'm about to load season three and the movie. I think I should be finished today, or tomorrow at the latest. The language is abhorrent, but the acting and writing is superb. What a hard, hard life they lived back then. Jane still breaks my heart. I'm not quite as appalled by "Al" as I was in the first season. Seeing a bit more of his humanity and he does care he just communicates it in his own way.

Love the painting. I don't know much about it--should look it up, but I'm not convinced she's longing for the house...she might be afraid of it, or something or someone in it. I know, I'm so weird.

*Hugs*
bleodswean
Jun. 19th, 2019 04:23 pm (UTC)
*hugs* It's a contemplative mood, isn't it? I don't mind it at all, just trying to assess it and its effects.

Ah, Deadwood! You know I wrote Deadwood fic, right? Here's a standalone starring my fave character - Doc:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/216873

The other pieces were during a very fun time when some of us were trying our hand at penning a S4.

The profanity is extreme, but the language is Shakespearian. You'll see this more in the movie.
jaelle_n_gilla
Jun. 19th, 2019 03:45 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're feeling down. I hope you get your previous view back on life. And even though you are not feeling up to par, your description sounds like the start to a novel or a poem.

I hear you on the heat. It's hot here too and I'm thinking about moving downstairs (stone house) for the night. But then I think if Dawn in her fur coat manages, so should I.
bleodswean
Jun. 19th, 2019 04:15 pm (UTC)
EEP! I'm not feeling down, at all! I'll look closer at my words. I'm fine in this new situation I've found my life in! Just trying to describe it.

Move downstairs! Sleeping in heat is really unsettling.
jaelle_n_gilla
Jun. 19th, 2019 06:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, sorry, I misread that! It'S probably due to the fact that my life is so fast paced that I would feel down if it slowed down for me. I'm glad you're okay.

Sleeping on the sofa isn't exactly comfortable either :-) I'm trapped.
bleodswean
Jun. 19th, 2019 06:26 pm (UTC)
Hee! I totally get that, too! I have a sister like you!

We are beginning to price expensive sleeper sofas for downstairs.
mallorys_camera
Jun. 20th, 2019 12:29 pm (UTC)
That bricks-coming-down feeling is always generative for me. The creative spirit welling up, not quite ready to latch onto a specific project.

I eagerly await its full emergence. :-)
bleodswean
Jun. 20th, 2019 02:36 pm (UTC)
It does feel like that! But this time it's coming up out of the depths wrapped in a very dark, existential cloak with all this despair sewn into the lining....
mallorys_camera
Jun. 20th, 2019 02:50 pm (UTC)
Do you know what part of you the despair is rooted in?
bleodswean
Jun. 22nd, 2019 03:49 pm (UTC)
My grief.
swirlsofblue
Jun. 20th, 2019 04:13 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* I suppose sometimes that's just the way it is. I too get this (Even small things like, I still have only half-written the stuff for those three topic prompts).

Re documentaries: have you seen Free Solo, I would definitely recommend.

I have so many Brooklyn 99 fic ideas at the moment.
bleodswean
Jun. 22nd, 2019 03:50 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I'm thinking of jumping in this pool, J -

sunshine_challenge over on DW. Check it out!
ashbet
Jun. 21st, 2019 04:07 am (UTC)
I’m about ready to be done being sick/asthmatic (I keep having to cancel plans, because I cannot be in environments with stage smoke/fog right now), but am otherwise feeling rather contented.

Getting some relaxed, non-rushed time with my sweetie was really good, even if I spent most of the time being ill! (And he was a champ about it, which I very much appreciated — we managed to have fun together anyway.)

I’ve been sitting down and re-/reading all my Hellboy anthologies — finally picked up the missing volumes for my collection, and reading them all at once has been a mental/visual feast.

I love how Mignola works in all of these literary and mythological/fairytale references into a series with, on the surface, a classic-pulp hero — but the stories build on each other, and go a lot deeper.

I’d be interested to hear what you think of the series!

<3
bleodswean
Jun. 22nd, 2019 03:52 pm (UTC)
Damn, A. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Terrible. Glad to hear that he's being a champ! You deserve that.

It's been so long since I read the Hellboy series! I've been meaning to do a commix re-read, was thinking of Sandman...maybe I should do Mignola instead....
ashbet
Jun. 22nd, 2019 09:35 pm (UTC)
I’m back home now — still not at 100%, but I have 2 more weeks of prednisone and 1 more week of antibiotics (saw my doc on Thurs), and that’s helping.

It really was a good visit, despite everything, although I’m MAD at my body for pulling this garbage during the longest stretch of time we’ve ever gotten to spend together!

Really enjoying Hellboy as one massive binge — there’s a new omnibus series out, which has the whole series in (IIRC) 4-5 volumes, although I’m reading the regular trades, since I already owned most of them.

So good!!

<3
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )